


sunflowers on some hill

by vhscassette



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 12:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14520345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vhscassette/pseuds/vhscassette
Summary: two z-fighters talk about the inevitability of death





	sunflowers on some hill

Tien's nightmare woke him up in a startling jolt, fear rattling in the pit of his stomach. His mind was blurred with sleep, yet even so, his body was scared as if Chiaotzu had gotten himself blown up right by his nightstand. He didn't remember why or for what, but the remaining feeling from it was the impending thought of doom, of suicide.

 

Tien's life hadn't necessarily _not_ consisted of the tiniest pinpricks of suicidal thoughts, of the subtle murmurs that wished to blast a ki charge directly through his mouth. For all intents and purposes, Tien could've said a lot of his teenage years were a controlled, dictator-like substance of self-wanted death, trauma, and cold-steel influence learned from an assassin. Yamcha, to some extent, was the first one to snap him out of this mind-controlled state.

 

Tien, in thanks, had snapped his leg in two.

 

Nonetheless, he _still_ had to remind himself that that was then, and that now he needed to, as Yamcha put it, "cool it."

 

Tien slowly sat up and rubbed the weak fatigue out of his eyes. At this point in his life, he no longer had a desire to end everything as he did as a teenager. Obviously, the situation he grew up in changed; he wasn't quite sure if he would be alive to this day if he never denied Shen all those years ago. The feeling of almost an inevitable _need_ to kill himself, as if the world had turned so awful that it was needed, sent a shiver running up his spine.

 

Tien laid back down, groggy with lack of sleep, and decided to open a telepathy line with Yamcha. On normal circumstances, he would've seeked the childish innocence that Chiaotzu was able to provide, but Tien, frankly, didn't feel the desire to talk to him about the cold ocean of fear that lapped away at old wounds. His digital clock read 01:42 A.M.

 

"Yamcha? You there?" Tien questioned softly, as if not to disturb a possibly-sleeping Yamcha. Silence responded to him for a few moments.

 

"..Tien?" Yamcha had mumbled back mentally, definitely just woken up.

 

"Yeah, it's me. Sorry for wakin' you up, I uh.." Tien had started before coming to a grand conclusion; this was stupid. This was entirely stupid. Tien Shinhan was not the man to rely on others, _especially_ not on others for his vulnerability from his stupid nightmares. He should've just sucked it up.

 

".. Did'j' have a ni'ghma're?" Yamcha sleepily said, not entirely awake.

 

God damn it.

 

"..Yeah," Tien admitted with a tired sigh.

 

".. D'you need to talk about it? I can, like," Yamcha dazedly muttered, "... talk with you about it if you don't wanna be alone."

 

Tien sighed. "Is it cool if I came over to talk about it? I don't want Chiaotzu picking up on this," he quietly responded, paranoid about any particular psychics listening in onto the conversation.

 

Yamcha chuckled a little, a tiny trail of sadness lingering. "Damn, Tien, must'a been a pretty fucked dream. C'mon over," he responded.

 

* * *

 

Tien had scribbled on a Post-It note with red pen detailing where he went for the night. He read over it again, making sure Chiaotzu wouldn't panic upon possibly finding it by morning.

 

"Chiaotzu, I'm going to Yamcha's house for the night.

Had a bit of a bad dream.

I'll be back by the time morning chores are started.

Eat breakfast.

I love you!

Love, Tien."

Tien smiled gently at the message, satisfied that it showed his concern and thoughtfulness for his dollish pretty-much-little-brother, before sticking it on the old refrigerator they had in the kitchen.

Wearing a dark blue workout jacket that he somehow managed to 'steal' from Yamcha and his normal fighting gi, Tien quietly walked out of his front door, shut the door behind him, and silently flew off into the night.

 

In order to get to Yamcha's apartment, Tien ended up needing to fly over a fair portion of West City. The lights below glimmered endlessly, causing him to still somehow feel stunned over how a bunch of fluorescent lights within advertisements and buildings can take his breath away. He then stared forward, the dark of the night now smudging the lights below. His mind trailed to his youth, the years of brainwashing isolation, and finally, back to his nightmare.

 

Tien remembered eating dinner with Bulma, Piccolo, Chiaotzu, and Gohan at Bulma's house. A little boy with gentle purple hair was quietly toddling around in the corner, playing with a plastic ball and giggling to himself. Although Tien remembered no conversation, he had the extreme feeling of something horrible occuring, that there was a reason they were all stuck eating together and not able to be alone. Everyone was utterly silent, and it scared Tien.

 

Somewhere in his nightmare's timeline, Tien was staring out of the window. He watched Piccolo fly up towards something on the roof as Bulma began screaming for him to come back down.

Piccolo's corpse, a ki beam straight through the forehead, slammed against the side lawn of Bulma's home. His face was wrangled with death.

 

"Uh, yo, Tien?" Yamcha called from behind Tien a few meters away.

 

Tien visibly startled and froze before whipping his head back. He took a mental check, needing to reground himself. The city lights were below him, the star-pierced sky above, and a.. grinning Yamcha in front of him.

 

Yep, he sure was here, alright.

"You flew over my house, dude. I felt your ki signature spike up and everything and just--woop!-- kept on goin'," Yamcha chuckled, levitating closer to him as he shivered a bit. "Yeesh, it's chilly out here!"

Tien, still shaken from his dream, smirked and unzipped his jacket--Yamcha's, all things considered--, and threw it to him. Sure, Tien was a bit colder as he himself wasn't wearing any shirt underneath, but it wasn't like he wasn't _used_ to that.

 

"Ti- _en_ ," Yamcha said a bit shyly, "you didn't have to gi- wait, a minute. Tien, this is _my_ jacket." He then looked at Tien with an almost confused smirk as if to say 'how the fuck did you get ahold of my clothes?'

 

And, of course, Tien shrugged. "'Dunno. It was in my closet, so you must've forgot it when you sparred with me at some point at my house," Tien said.

 

"Welp, don't care. I'm cold, it's my jacket, and it's warm because you were.. wearing my jacket," Yamcha awkwardly trailed off. "Fuck it, back to my house, I'm too tired for this shit!" Yamcha laughed a little tiredly, embarrassed at himself as he slowly descended through the night sky and further into the shimmering light of the city below.

 

Dark blue really did suit him.

 

* * *

 

"Welp," Yamcha chippered, closing the front door of his tiny apartment behind Tien, "welcome to my humble abode."

 

Tien rolled his eyes. "I've been here before, no need for a big ruckus," Tien muttered under his breath, inspecting the dark apartment room. Still a mess, as far as the dark outlines of cans and paper plates could describe.

 

"Ruckus," Yamcha repeated, somehow amused with the word, "R-uckus. R-r-uckus." Yamcha's ensuing giggle echoed throughout the apartment's living room.

"Yamcha, shut the hell up and turn on a light before I punch _yours_ out," Tien said with fake annoyance.

 

Yamcha gasped in dramatics, flicking on a light that was near the door. "How rude," Yamcha complained, "to hear such insulting language, when _I'm_ the one who invited you over! New house rule: you're never allowed to come back here again."

 

"Nah, you couldn't last a day without me makin' sure you don't set your apartment on fire with instant ramen," Tien said as he smirked at Yamcha, his rivalry still as solid as it has been for years.

 

"Fuck you, Tien."

 

"You wish I would."

 

After a slight skirmish that may have involved Yamcha's jacket being aggressively tossed back and forth between the two, Puar had eventually hissed from the kitchen in exhaustion and the 'fight' came to a stop. Yamcha had chuckled and Tien almost forgot why he was here in the first place.

 

"C'mon, let's get goin' so you can tell me all about this wack-ass nightmare. I forgot to set up the couch, I hope y'dont mind," Yamcha said a little quieter as he lead Tien into his bedroom. Tien nodded, fairly used to quite a variety of strange conversations occurring in Yamcha's room, and quietly followed behind.

 

Shutting the door behind him, Tien took off his shoes before placing them against the wall by the door. Then, delicately, he removed his socks and calculatedly placed them _inside_ the shoes. Then went his handy-dandy green armbands that he, by habit or otherwise, had slipped on his wrists before going off to Yamcha's. Those now went by his shoes. Satisfied with his effort, Tien had turned around to see Yamcha staring at him, shirtless in the blankets, with a bored expression.

 

"I can't tell if you just gave me an offhanded striptease or if you're just _really_ particular with your clothes," Yamcha said, deadpan.

 

Heat flushed to Tien's face, and he surprisingly wasn't against the notion of said 'offhanded strip teases' but shoved the idea aside regardless. "Fuck off, Yamcha," was all Tien could mutter, quickly scooching beside Yamcha in his queen sized bed, lovingly given to him and bought from by Bulma many years back. Yamcha snorted and gave him room, Tien politely laying on top of the blanket.

 

"So, fill me on the deets. What's up?" Yamcha said, glancing at him gently from the side.

 

They had awkwardly laid in bed for a few moments, Tien gently twiddling his thumbs as he tried to find a good place to start on the matter. Who would'a thought that Yamcha's bed was really this comfortable to sleep on? And, not only that, but Tien had found that the ceiling was fairly intricate, with little patterns seemingly 'made in' to the ceiling itself. How wonderful. Tien almost didn't notice the moonlight that had spilled in from the window and had laid against Yamcha's face. His hair really did look beautiful in the low light like this. Good lord, he was pretty and-

 

"Yo. Earth to Tien. You're lookin' a little out of it again," Yamcha had gently chuckled, resting a hand on Tien's shoulder to shake him slightly.

 

-and he had no idea how to begin this conversation.

 

Tien had sighed and thought once more, keeping his train of thought onto the same rails this time. After a few moments of thinking, Yamcha all-too familiar with Tien's habits of overthinking things, Tien quietly admitted the main fear of his nightmare.

 

"I had the need to kill myself," Tien said, looking away from Yamcha. He couldn't bear to see if there was any pain, any anger in Yamcha's glance. He couldn't handle it if Yamcha left him for good, although he _highly_ doubted at approximately 02:16 A.M, in _his_ house, shirtless in _his_ own bed, that Yamcha would kick Tien out.

 

Stability, however, was a concept unfamiliar to Tien.

 

Tien had heard a sigh from Yamcha before he immediately whipped his head around to face him, fear boiling in his stomach. The only thing that was visible in Yamcha's expression, however, was a soft sadness that settled into the darkness of his irises. Tien felt worry melt, then slowly refreeze again into a bubbling mass in his stomach. What did this mean?

 

Then, Yamcha chuckled sadly, turning his body to face towards Tien.

 

"What are you laughing at, Yamcha..?" Tien quietly started, disbelieving that Yamcha could think his suicidal feelings were funny.

 

"Not you, Tien, I just think, well," Yamcha started, the sad look never leaving his face, "I never thought that you'd have to worry about those kinds'a things, too. 'm laughin' because damn, I'm sorry, Tien."

 

Tien's eyes went wide a bit, definitely not ignoring the 'too' part of the conversation. "Yamcha..?" he said in surprise.

 

Yamcha smiled sadly a bit further before closing his eyes and sighing once more. "Yeah. Anyway, less about me, more about you. What else went on in your nightmare? If you wanna talk about it, that is," Yamcha grinned, slowly dropping to a whisper as he scooted closer to Tien. It felt a little.. odd for Tien, feeling Yamcha get close like this.

 

Tien, regardless, scooted closer in response.

 

"Well, uh," Tien whispered, eyes trailing away once more, "the dream was really weird. It was like.. It was like, something horrible had happened. Chiaotzu, Bulma, Piccolo, and Gohan and I were all.. eating dinner together, of all things. It felt like we were hiding from something, though. Something that was slowly destroying the world inch by inch, and that we had no chance of escaping it."

 

Tien had inspected Yamcha's glance to find nothing but comfort and understanding. The feelings associated with the dream had pulsed quietly through his heart, and Tien had to make sure to keep his mind in check as to not sink back into the cold water of fear. He continued.

 

"In particular, I remember Piccolo had gone up to the roof of Bulma's place-- we were at Bulma's place, by the way-- and Bulma kept yelling for him to come back down. Then he fell back down, and his head was like.. cracked open almost, with a ki blast so big that I could see through to the insides of his skull. It horrified me," Tien quietly continued, his voice falling to a low whisper. The coldness in his stomach slowly filled once more. "I woke up with the feeling of _needing_ to kill myself, because all immediate existence beyond that point would result in nothing but despair."

 

Tien's eyes had closed as he had transcribed his nightmare back into tangible words, touchable memories that made Tien want to curl up in a ball and sob. When he opened them, he found Yamcha gazing at him with the same particular sadness that he had before.

 

"That sounds," Yamcha paused, whispering, ".. like hell."

 

Tien nodded and chuckled quietly. "To be honest, it felt like it. The feeling still rattles me. I don't ever think I've felt _that_ much despair since, well.. I learned the arts of assassination," Tien admitted with a bittersweet smirk. Tien could only really thank his masters for so much before the scar on his chest ached with bitterness.

 

"Are you cold?" Yamcha had quietly asked out of nowhere.

 

"Huh..? Am I cold?" Tien asked, obviously off guard.

 

"I didn't ask if you were hot, Tien."

 

"Uh- well, uh, I suppose it is a little chilly in here," Tien mumbled with a slight embarrassed redness forming on his cheeks.

 

Yamcha had stared at him gently for a few more seconds. "How bout'cha join me under the blankets, Tien?" he asked, full of a tone that let Tien know that it was perfectly okay to decline the offer.

 

Tien felt his face redden once more. Spending the night with Yamcha was fine. Going to his bed entirely alone with him in the dark was fine. In fact, being shirtless in the same bed was fine, all things considered, with Tien. But, for whatever reason, being shirtless and _under_ the blankets seemed to be a tipping point.

 

Of course, Tien Shinhan was not one to deny requests.

 

".. You're _sure_ about this?" Tien said in response as he moved to slide under the blankets, sounding more like a statement than a question.

 

"I'm not a rude host, Tien. If we're gonna have heart to heart discussions about suicidal feelings, then you at least deserve to be comfortable doing so," Yamcha mumbled, looking away and sounding vaguely rushed. Tien, to avoid thinking too hard about the way he said this, accepted the statement and moved on. The blankets were really quite nice, especially with Yamcha near him like this. He should go to Yamcha for nightmares more often, with how this was turning out.

 

Yamcha had once more looked at him and blinked a bit. "Well, I hope you know that you aren't alone like this, okay? Not with your ol' buddy Yamcha around," Yamcha said firmly, hoping Tien got the point as true as Saiyans having tails and/or personality complexes.

 

Tien immediately responded with a flustered, "I'm okay now, really! I am! It just.. was an unwelcome feeling, that's all."

 

Yamcha, not meaning to offend but regardless, furrowed his eyebrows in a manner that said, 'you sure?'

 

Tien held back rolling his eyes and nodded. "Yeah, I promise, Yamcha. I wouldn't do that to you," he said gently, hoping to soothe any fears Yamcha had of that nature.

 

".. Promise? I mean, life isn't always guaranteed to us as it is--hell, we've already lost _ours_ before--, and I really just don't, uh, want to think about you being- or, graves with-" Yamcha trailed off, Tien able to hear the emotion trickle into his words. Yamcha _has_ thought about suicide and death before, and it pained Tien deep in his heart with an ache that wasn't an illness.

 

Tien had reached for Yamcha's hand under the sheets before he had realized he was doing so.

 

Yamcha's eyes widened gently and looked at Tien, a wave of his long, black hair spilling into his face. 'How did I find someone like this?' was the only thought that echoed in Tien's mind. His grip on Yamcha's hand tightened slightly, his thumb rubbing across Yamcha's.

 

"You won't have to worry about me disappearing, Yamcha. I promise you with all of my heart," Tien said, gaze firm. He could tell Yamcha's mind was stuck on a headstone on some hill somewhere scattered with buttercups and sunflowers, and god damn him if he wasn't going to attempt to get those images out of there.

 

Yamcha, as emotional of a fool as he was, was one of the most lively, entertaining, beautiful people Tien's ever encountered in his life. He single handedly managed to deal with Tien's extreme cruelty and, not only _forgave_ him for it, but healed him afterwards. Yamcha had found friendship within the depths of Tien's oceans, and Tien had found life in the desert of Yamcha's heart. Love had taken root, and God knows Tien didn't have the heart to rip out the only thing of happiness asides from Chiaotzu that had remained in his life.

 

Yamcha's eyes had watered in the darkness, but his face remained firm yet soft in genuine thankfulness. Tien felt Yamcha's fingers interlace with his, and his heartbeat increased in the dark of the room.

 

Yamcha let go of Tien's hand to wrap his arms around him, his face buried into the top of Tien's chest. Tien could feel the tears as Yamcha silently shook, obviously trying very hard to stay strong and not gasp with sobs. Tien, of course, couldn't help but hold him and silently murmur comforting words of how he was safe and sound, of how beautiful flowers were in the spring and how wonderful blue skies can look. Silently, stroking Yamcha's hair, did he feel the same burn of tears that Yamcha did.

 

He knew Yamcha could see the daisies, and Tien saw them, too.


End file.
